Families

I've been pondering on the dynamics of families lately. Everyone is born into one and then most people create another one and then that one starts creating other ones. Who do we actually belong to and how do we loosen the ties to the other ones?

I had a really good childhood as far as I can remember (which, with my Halfs-Heimers isn't very far). I thought of my family as very close. My brothers and sisters were my best friends, my mom and dad were very cool and very good looking so I was really proud of my family and thought we were really tight with each other. I didn't think I could love anyone as much as I loved them. As we grew up our differences were magnified more and more. Now that we are all grown we are still pretty good friends but we don't really hang that much with each other.

I have spent my entire adult life loving the family that I created with my wonderful husband and I am now quite positive that I could never love anyone as much as I love them. We are way closer than my first family. As they grow up, though, their differences from each other are standing out more and more. They are still great friends but they are discovering that they can love someone even more than they love each other.

This is actually God's plan but it can be a little painful letting go and going backwards as my family slowly shrinks back down to eventually being what it was in the beginning, me and Pat. In the end, we really only have our eternal companions. We go from being the center of our childrens' lives to being a bit player who is still greatly loved but definitely not who their lives revolve around. Thank heavens I picked a great partner.

Holidays are the times when these changes really stand out the most for me. The days of having everyone in our home for the holidays are pretty much gone. I have children in just about every walk of life right now. I have grown children who live at home, college students, married children, a missionary and some who still depend on me at home.

The oldest is definitely old enough to be out on his own but because of changes in his choice of careers he has taken a little longer to get where he wants to be job-wise. He is very pleasant and no trouble at all but a little part of me wants him to experience the joy of being on his own and starting a family.

The almost college graduate will be back home in a couple of months and isn't really sure what he wants to do with his life career-wise so I worry about him a little. I also want him to experience the joy of being a husband and father.

The married kids are very happy with their little families and so am I even though I occasionally (OK, frequently) miss having them in my home. I know they are experiencing the same joy I have felt for 28 years but I still miss them.

I miss my missionary like crazy. I know that now that he has gone on his mission, the next time I see him he will be a full grown 21 year old man. He will never be my baby boy again and even though I've gone through that 5 times it doesn't get any easier.

My high schooler is fun and challenging and part of me is thrilled that I still get to go through this fun time with more kids and part of me is kind of weary of doing this.

Thank heavens I had a girl for my last child. I never and I mean NEVER wanted a girl. I thought they were way too much work and I didn't want her to feel some of the feelings I felt about my mom growing up which I'm sure are very normal for every girl. I'm so glad the Lord knew better. She is the joy of my life. She is my best girlfriend and I can't imagine ever fighting with her. I have learned so many things from my relationship with my own mom and by watching others with their daughters and I am determined to have a wonderful relationship with my daughter for our whole lives. Plus, I know she will never completely leave me even when she gets her own family. Little girls will always need their mothers to be in their lives to some degree.

So, as painful and as wonderful as it may seem, in the end it's just me and Pat and the more I think about that, the happier I get. If my children could love their spouses even half as much as I love their dad then they will be the happiest people in the world.