Sigh:(

I have decided that life can sometimes get a little overwhelming.  Especially to old ladies who have been very emotional their whole lives.  Do you know anyone like that?  Hmmm.  My dearest friend in the whole world is battling cancer and just about every complication that comes with it.  I have this helpless, empty feeling that there is nothing I can do for her.  She insists that there really is nothing I can do for her because she has someone already cleaning her house, her family takes shifts watching over her at the hospital and she says she is too worn out for visitors so I know that there is really nothing I can do but pray for her but I still feel awful.  I feel like her family must think I'm a terrible friend.  I'm a very private person and I know that if I were in her situation I would only want my family around me so why can't I believe that that is the way she feels?  Troubling. 

My mother lives by herself far away from me and every now and then I think about how lonely she must be and I think I should call her but every time I think of this I'm in the middle of something where it's impossible to call her.  Then I feel sad and guilty.  I know I should call her instead of writing this blog but the whole point of this blog is to try to sort out all the overwhelming emotions I'm feeling so I can try to feel better.

My oldest son is in the depths of despair because he lives in the worst state in the world for getting a permanent teaching job because of massive budget cuts.  He is so sad that it breaks my heart.  There is nothing I can do but pray for him but I love him so much that it hurts like crazy to see him so down.

My only teenage son is wrestling with affairs of the heart and trying to balance the temptations of the world and what his church and parents teach him.  Makes for lots of tense moments in my otherwise "heaven on earth" home.

My only grandchild left to go back to Utah last week and it killed me to say goodbye to her.  She is old enough to know me and to hold her arms out to me and not want me to put her down.  She has a little personality and I got to know her much better and I really really like her as well as love her to pieces.  Her parents also left me and I really miss having them around to play games with and laugh with.

Any kind of conflict makes me physically sick to my stomach.  I can't stand it when people are upset with me and I also can't stand to see people I know upset with each other.  I have friends and family members all over the place who are on the outs with each other and it's tearing me apart. 

I'm sure that in the morning or even later today I will get a grip and be just fine but for a few minutes I needed to sort out my thoughts and vent a little.  I have an incredible life and I don't mean to complain one bit about the hand I have been dealt because the highs so outweigh the lows that it's ridiculous.  Just once in awhile though...a little moment of reflection is needed.  Thanks for listening.