Tender Moment

Tonight my family went out to dinner for Kyle's birthday.  Logan, Michelle and Landon came with us.  In the middle of dinner Logan's twin brother, Tanner, called him just to chat.  At the end of the conversation Logan said, "I love you too".  These are 24 year old men saying "I love you" to each other.  My eyes teared up and for those of you who know me, it takes a lot for me to tear up (hee hee).  That was a great "mommy" moment for me.  I love that my kids love each other so much and aren't afraid to show it. 

I love football!

Last Friday night was the epitome of the total "competitive sports" experience.  I've decided I'm way too old for it.  Our high school went up to Orange County to play a top ten team and we aren't top anything.  We were supposed to lose.  We pretty much expected to lose.  My son came out and threw 3 interceptions in the first HALF!  He only threw 8 all of last season.  It was horrible.  We were down by 21 in the 3rd quarter.  I spent most of my time praying that my son would settle down, not give up and do his best even though he had to be disappointed by those turnovers.  Well, wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, we won!  In double overtime.  In our county we don't even play overtime but I guess in Orange County they have the option if both coaches agree.  My son was nearly perfect in the second half and both overtimes.  No more turnovers.  Lots of passing and rushing yards.  Cool, calm and collected.  Way better than his mom, who was a nervous wreck.  I was so proud of him.  We all stormed the field and hugged and screamed and celebrated well into the night.  So, even though my blood pressure probably reached all kinds of new heights, I love this game:)

What the Weird?

The strangest thing happened today. Our neighbor's dog ran into a fire hydrant at full speed and impaled itself on one of the nozzles and died.  It was barking at the dogs behind the fence and looking at them while running along the fence and didn't see the fire hydrant I guess.  It gave the most horrifying scream of pain and then twitched around a little.  Then he hobbled across the street to his front lawn and laid down and died.  We heard the terrible howling and my husband looked out the window right as he was writhing on the ground and hobbling away.  We didn't know he had hit the fire hydrant until we heard the owner talking.  It was very sad and such a random accident. 

Sweet Baby Landon

Our sweet baby was born a month early and he is adorable.  He is 6 lb. 8 oz. and 19 inches long.  He has a full head of dark brown hair and Michelle's chin dimple. 

He is currently in the hospital with pneumonia but is responding well to antibiotics and should be home next Thursday. 

Logan and Michelle are very sad because they are home and Landon isn't.  I know exactly how they feel because my 5th son was born with pneumonia and had to be in the hospital for 10 days.  He was in there for Mother's Day and it was horrible.  It makes me very sad to see my son sad over his son. 

I love having grandchildren and can't wait to snuggle my little man.

Toughest job on earth? Parenthood

My daughter has been playing basketball for about 7 years and has only really enjoyed it for about 2.  Those 2 came right at the beginning when she was in 1st and 2nd grade.  She happens to be very naturally gifted athletically so everyone just expected her to keep playing because she is so good at it.  Being a sweet girl who likes to please everyone she just kept on playing even though it was getting increasingly hard to hide how miserable she was.  Unfortunately, she takes after her mother in the "I hate any form of confrontation" department.  Girls basketball in middle school and high school is packed with confrontation.  There are coaches, teammates, opponents, parents and refs yelling at you as well as players saying mean things and taking cheap shots at you.  It's highly competitive and very stressful.  I, of course, never stepped foot on a basketball court even though I am over 5'11" tall.  Yet, in all my wisdom, I have been forcing her to play for the past couple of years because I have always believed that all of my children should be involved in something worthwhile while they are growing up to teach them disciple, teamwork and responsibility and because I thought she was just afraid and that should never stop someone from doing what they want to do.  I thought I was helping her to overcome her fear and grow up.  I thought I was being a good parent.  Well, because of her skill level she was invited to be on the high school varsity team as a new freshman.  I'm such a great parent that her throwing up at the first practice didn't get through to me as a sign that maybe this isn't for her, I just thought she was a little nervous and out of shape.  Aftering warring with myself for a few weeks now, I finally really looked at her face and body language before her first fall league game and decided to actually BE a good parent and told her that if she really didn't want to play basketball I wouldn't make her.  She broke down and cried and hugged me and thanked me and taught me a very important lesson.  It's not her fault that she is very talented at athletics.  It shouldn't be a punishment.  If she doesn't like playing sports and enjoys writing stories instead then she should be able to write stories.  Life is too short to be miserable over dumb things.  My intentions were good but we need to know our children and there are plenty of other ways to learn responsibility and committment and lots of other good lessons than by playing varsity basketball.  I always hated watching the girls play anyway.

Sigh:(

I have decided that life can sometimes get a little overwhelming.  Especially to old ladies who have been very emotional their whole lives.  Do you know anyone like that?  Hmmm.  My dearest friend in the whole world is battling cancer and just about every complication that comes with it.  I have this helpless, empty feeling that there is nothing I can do for her.  She insists that there really is nothing I can do for her because she has someone already cleaning her house, her family takes shifts watching over her at the hospital and she says she is too worn out for visitors so I know that there is really nothing I can do but pray for her but I still feel awful.  I feel like her family must think I'm a terrible friend.  I'm a very private person and I know that if I were in her situation I would only want my family around me so why can't I believe that that is the way she feels?  Troubling. 

My mother lives by herself far away from me and every now and then I think about how lonely she must be and I think I should call her but every time I think of this I'm in the middle of something where it's impossible to call her.  Then I feel sad and guilty.  I know I should call her instead of writing this blog but the whole point of this blog is to try to sort out all the overwhelming emotions I'm feeling so I can try to feel better.

My oldest son is in the depths of despair because he lives in the worst state in the world for getting a permanent teaching job because of massive budget cuts.  He is so sad that it breaks my heart.  There is nothing I can do but pray for him but I love him so much that it hurts like crazy to see him so down.

My only teenage son is wrestling with affairs of the heart and trying to balance the temptations of the world and what his church and parents teach him.  Makes for lots of tense moments in my otherwise "heaven on earth" home.

My only grandchild left to go back to Utah last week and it killed me to say goodbye to her.  She is old enough to know me and to hold her arms out to me and not want me to put her down.  She has a little personality and I got to know her much better and I really really like her as well as love her to pieces.  Her parents also left me and I really miss having them around to play games with and laugh with.

Any kind of conflict makes me physically sick to my stomach.  I can't stand it when people are upset with me and I also can't stand to see people I know upset with each other.  I have friends and family members all over the place who are on the outs with each other and it's tearing me apart. 

I'm sure that in the morning or even later today I will get a grip and be just fine but for a few minutes I needed to sort out my thoughts and vent a little.  I have an incredible life and I don't mean to complain one bit about the hand I have been dealt because the highs so outweigh the lows that it's ridiculous.  Just once in awhile though...a little moment of reflection is needed.  Thanks for listening.

Here we go again!

It's that time again.  The night before the first football game.  I am desperately going to try to sleep tonight even though I am ridiculously nervous and excited.  I'm totally exhausted because I fed the whole varsity team tonight and there are 65 of them.  I spent all day cooking and cleaning.  I hope that is enough to tire me out and let me sleep.  This morning's paper had some very fun things.  A couple of pictures of my son and some very nice things written about him.  He is one of the "Elite Eleven" players in our county.  He is also the "face" of our football program according to our coach.  I know all parents get nervous and excited for their children in their sports but I think there is a small place in heaven reserved for quarterback parents.  The pressure is unbelievable.  Total strangers know who we are and watch us all the time.  Our son gets a ton of glory but also a ton of blame when things go wrong.  If he makes a bad pass or throws an interception we never know what happened until after the game when he tells us that the receiver ran the wrong route or that the ball was tipped by someone or that he just choked.  The people in the stands don't get that explanation so they usually just assume it was his fault.  Of course when we win though he is the town hero and everyone wants to be our friend.  I wouldn't trade this experience for anything but I may look a few years older the next time you see me from nerves and lack of sleep.  Go Grizzlies!