Mother-In-Law Epiphany #1

Every once in awhile this hard rock of a brain of mine gets a little crack and allows some wisdom and understanding to filter in. Recently I got a little crack. I was pondering the challenges of being a "mother-in-law" and it dawned on me that I was expecting my sons to do everything I would kill my husband for doing. Mothers and sons have a very unique bond that is hard for girls who don't have sons yet to understand. The mother gets to enjoy the wonderful part of male attention and adoration without the sexual friction and pressure and the son gets to be adored and thought perfect because he will never be any competition for the mom. In other words, they enjoy the perfect "opposite sex" relationship. Mothers of married sons have a hard time handing over that attention and adoration to someone else and always seem to be in competition with their son's wives. They still expect to be thought of frequently and called once a week and generally being front and center in their son's lives. Thus, the age-old reputation of "mother-in-laws". Lots of girls get along with their mother-in-laws but deep down they still wouldn't mind if they fell into a black hole and were never heard from again. (Maybe that's a little harsh but you get my meaning.) I am, of course, the farthest thing from an expert on this subject since my mother-in-law passed away very early in my marriage and I therefore haven't really had to deal with one, pretty much ever. However, I know that if my husband constantly talked about or felt the need to call and gab with his mother on a frequent basis he would pay dearly. I also know that if we had to spend equal time on vacations and holidays with a family that I did not grow up with and a woman that I didn't relate to very well and who loved my husband way before I did and just as much, there would have been contention in our home. I used to sing with my sisters and mother at weddings and parties all over the place. One song we sang a lot was called "Wedding Song". I've sung it a million times but just recently one of the lines came into my head and it was like a lightbulb going off in my brain. "Well a man shall leave his mother and a woman leave her home....". What? Isn't a man leaving his home too and a woman leaving her father and mother? NO! Men naturally want to be the head of their households and be looked to by their wives and families as the provider and hero. The hard part is leaving their mothers! But they have to do it to make their wives happy and to do their jobs. Women physically leave their homes but they never really leave their mothers. And it's O.K. Men don't feel threatened by a girl's attachment to her mother like women do with their husband's attachment to his mother. It's different. Having now had this epiphany I can more easily let go of my sons because I know if my husband's mother was trying to hold onto him like I want to hold onto my sons, I would be one unhappy girl. Just a word of advice though to all the young wives and mothers of little boys, go easy on the old broads who bore your husbands because someday you are going to be her.