Memory Lane

Yesterday I signed my daughter up for her dorm room at BYU.  I couldn't believe the rush of memories that came over me as I did this.  38 years ago I did the same thing for myself.  She will be living in the same dorms I did.  She will be in a different building because they changed things around just a tad in the past 38 years but she will be having the same experiences I did so long ago.  That was one of the funnest times of my life and I can't wait for her to make those same memories and many more that will be even better.  This definitely softens the blow of her leaving our home.  Seeing the pictures of the old rooms on the computer just took me to a different place.  She will be in Helaman Halls.  How "Mormon" is that?  She will eat in the same cafeteria I did (nicely remodeled).  She will room with a total stranger who she will grow to love very quickly (I hope) and she will meet tons of boys who believe just how she does and who are looking to get married just like she is.  She will go to football games and (hopefully) watch her brother play.  She will have the added advantage (HUGE) of being able to meet her brother's friends on the football team and maybe even go out with some of them.  That, alone, will make her super popular, ha ha.  She actually doesn't really want to be popular at all but I'm sure it will be a little perk.  She has so many more advantages than I did and I'm so happy about that.  I have a ton of family up there right by the college and she has her brother and his wife right there also.  I was the oldest in my family and when I went up there there was no one but me and a million strangers. I missed my younger siblings a lot.   I had also left a boyfriend (my husband) at home so I missed him terribly.  She is the baby and has no one to miss at home because we will be up there so much she will actually get sick of us.  I take a walk every day and I listen to an I "thing" with music on it and the playlist that I randomly picked yesterday had several songs from artists that were just getting popular when I first went to BYU.  I was firmly on Memory Lane all day and loved every minute of it. 

Home run!

Yesterday I read an article in a magazine called LDS Living that made my heart happy and sad.  Happy because these are the very things I have worked on my whole adult life and sad that so many people are struggling with these issues.  I was going to make copies and send them to my children but I'm pretty sure that all of my DIL's read this blog so I will just put it out there to all of my LDS friends and anyone else who wants to read it.  It is called "Power Parenting in the LDS Home" by Randall A. Wright.  He talks about doing a survey of 500 Mormons nationwide and asking them the question, "What mistakes do you feel your parents made when you were growing up in their home?"  I was surprised and a little sad that I could have given all 5 of these answers for my home growing up but I was also happy that it proved to me that we don't have to perpetuate what we grew up with.  We have the free agency to do things differently than we were taught and make our own decisions separate from our parents.  These are the 5 answers given to that question.


#1 Failure to establish a home environment that reflects the gospel. 
People said that they were disappointed that their parents lived one life outside of their home and another inside their home.  They were sad that there were no pictures of the temple or the Savior in their homes.


We have always tried to be the same people no matter where we are or who we are with and have strongly taught our children this same principle.  I came a little later to the pictures of the temple and the Savior all over the house but because of the prompting of my good husband we have them everywhere now. 


#2 Failure to be at the crossroads of their children's lives.
They were sad that their parents weren't there when they got home from school or when they came home at night after a date or an evening with friends. 


This is a biggy for me.  I very strongly believe that "quality time comes with quantity time".  We can never anticipate when a special moment will develop between us and our children so we should try to be there as much as possible for them so we won't miss the "quality time".  I have tried to be at every game or performance my children have ever participated in and I delight in being there when they get home from school to hear about their day.  Because of this they don't mind my "interrogations" of their activities.  If we don't know what they are doing how can we guide them through the minefield of life?


#3 Allowing children to associate too closely with friends who do not share their same standards.
They were sad that they got into more trouble than they should have because they got caught up in the wrong crowd.


All of our children have friends that are not of our faith and we love them dearly.  We encouraged them to spend time at our house so we could get to know them and they could get to know our standards and beliefs.  The author encourages parents to keep their pantry stocked and open and this is something that we found out early in our children's lives.  If you feed them, they will come. 


#4 Failure to express love and give appropriate physical affection to family members.
All people crave love and affection and if they don't get it at home they will seek for it elsewhere.


This is a perfect example of being able to break out of the mold you were raised in.  I came from a home where we had very little physical affection and where "I love you's" were few and far between.  We knew our parents loved us but that was not the way they showed it.  I needed more of that kind of thing so I started right away hugging and touching my children and telling them, repeatedly, every day,how much I loved them.  They grew up with it and are now all very affectionate with each other and with us.  Some of the girls they married were not used to that kind of affection but they too are now jumping on the bandwagon and we are, literally, one big happy family. 


#5 Allowing children to steady date during the teen years.
Believe it or not, even though kids think they want to do this while they are young, they quickly realize the negative effects when they get just a little bit older.  They wish their parents would have helped them through that part of their life just a little more instead of encouraging early relationships and thinking they were "cute". 


Physical attraction is very real and not cute at all when it gets out of hand as it will inevitably do if left unchecked.  My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we wouldn't wish that on our worst enemies.  It was very hard living the standards we were taught when we had adult bodies and adolescent control.  We had almost no intervention from our parents so we had to govern ourselves and it wasn't fun at all.  We learned from that and did our utmost to help each of our children navigate the waters of high school attractions.


The author finishes the article by encouraging all families to develop a Family Mission Statement.  Can you see why I loved this article so much?  I could have written it!  These are all things I feel very strongly about and hope that all people can trust me when I say that taking care of these things along with a few others like having Family Home Evening every week, reading scriptures and praying every day and attending the temple and church as much as possible will give you a celestial family here on earth.  I have one!  I know they work!  For any new readers who aren't familiar with our family mission statement, I will put it out there again.  We have encouraged our children to write their own or to go ahead and use ours as it probably reflects what they believe in since they were raised with it.  They all have it memorized and we recite it, together, every single week at Family Home Evening. 


Our family mission statement:
\
To follow the teachings of Jesus Christ\
To love and support each other
To have patience and respect for each other
To use our time and talents to bless the lives of others
To use good manners, be good sports and build each other up
To have each one take responsibility for making our house a clean, comfortable and heavenly place for all who enter it
It is our ultimate goal to live together, forever, in the presence of the Lord


Forever Moore

So Bummed

This last week's episodes of some of the shows I watch on T.V. crossed over some lines and I am so bummed.  I hate it when the T.V. industry ruins perfectly fascinating storylines and scenery with garbage.  I love the premise of "Reign" because I absolutely love that era in time and the sets and costumes are absolutely breathtaking for me.  Also, the historical aspect is fascinating but even though some of the things they are introducing probably really did happen in those days, I don't need to see them in graphic detail on my T.V. screen.  I have a brain.  I can figure out what they are inferring without it being splattered all over in living color.  I'm sad because my family has shrunken down to two kids who are very involved in their own lives so that I have a lot of time on my hands and, at night, T.V. is a really fun outlet but now my favorite shows are going down the toilet so I am left searching for new avenues of entertainment.  I read lots of books during the day and work out and clean house and do errands and service so I am only looking for T.V. shows at night.  I hate that the adversary seems to be winning. 

Not a Fan:(

It seems like the new trend these days is to undermine true love.  I'm not a fan.  It kind of started with the Twilight series.  Jacob butted in and made things complicated.  Now, it seems like all of the shows I like are following suit.  Elena can't decide between her true love, Stefan, and his evil brother, Damon on Vampire Diaries.  Arrow is playing around with sisters and that really fries my fanny.  Queen Mary keeps letting Bash get in the way of her love for Francis on Reign and don't even get me started about Ragnar's betrayal of his feisty soul mate with that gorgeous princess on Vikings.  Don't get me wrong, I don't necessarily believe that in real life there is only one person that any other person can love because I know of people who have remarried and are blissfully happy with someone other than their first choice.  I'm just saying that I don't like it happening AT THE SAME TIME!  I like my entertainment spicy and interesting but I like knowing that, in the end, true love will prevail and these shows are messing with that!  There are some things that are just sacred and true love in entertainment is one of them.  "AS ...YOU ...WISH......".

It's March Madness!!

Ready, set, GO!  March Madness started this morning.  For the uneducated that is the National college basketball tournament that sweeps the country.  Thousands of people fill out brackets and try to pick the winner.  It goes on for about three weeks and is sooo fun.  The trash talk between my kids was fast, furious and frequent last night but the brackets are all locked in and it's "go time"! Last year was more like "March Mayhem" because so many things didn't go as planned.  Number ones fell early and often and lower seeds were beating higher seeds right and left.  Because of this mess, Aubrie actually won!  Keep in mind that I would bet my life on the fact that Aubrie has never seen a whole basketball game in her entire life.  She picks her teams by their colors, or the name of their mascot.  We have a few new additions to our family who have interesting methods of picking their teams.  Aleigh goes by where her friends are going to school or the ties the schools might have to Hunter or his mission.  Alana has a sports background so she is like me in that we probably have a little bit of knowledge of a few of the teams but go by things not related to their cheerleaders or the cute guys in the stands:)  Savannah has perennially been in the back of the pack (wayyyy back) early on because of her underdog and kind of unexplainable choices but she has decided to take an active role in changing that status.  She has done research on the teams and their players and records and injuries and has fasted and prayed (O.K. a little exaggeration there) and has picked the winning bracket according to her.  All of the TV's in my house are on and tuned to the games and I am highlighting and crossing off winners and losers and having the time of my life.  Go Wichita St.!!!!

Mystery

The other night on NCIS there was a storyline that was really well acted and brought me to a great many tears.  One of the characters was in the process of adopting a baby and on this night the baby was born and the adoptive parents got to be there but then the mother changed her mind after seeing her baby.  The reaction of the adoptive father was so real and so intense that I bawled my eyes out imagining how he felt.  I have friends and relatives who are in the process of trying to start a family and I'm sure that there are many more of my friends out there that might also be going through this but it is proving to be more of a challenge than they probably anticipated.  My heart aches for you.  I pray for you every night.  I literally can't imagine what you must be going through.  I can't imagine that it hasn't crossed your mind, at some point, to question the Lord and His plan for you.  I, myself, wonder why so many girls who aren't ready for and don't want to be pregnant can so easily get pregnant while others who are hoping and praying and craving that experience aren't finding success.  This has always been a mystery to me.  The only hope I have is that, maybe, these valiant people were the ones in the pre-existence who saw the big picture and saw how short this life is and said, "I can wait".  Maybe they were the ones who knew that they could take this on as their test in this life, knowing that they would have eternal increase in the next and would enjoy every blessing due them if they can just endure to the end.  I completely trust in the Lord and His plans for us and I pray every night that my sweet friends will completely develop this trust not only in their heads but in their hearts also.  I hope they know that the Lord loves them and that He would never give them something they couldn't handle.  Being a "natural man" though, I have to be honest and tell you that the most fervent part of my prayer is that these wonderful people will be able to experience having a family here on this earth and not have to wait. 

The Jar

Once upon a time there was a wonderful little family who was plowing through medical school with three children and who lived very far away from the rest of their family.  The daddy was working very hard to become a doctor so he could support his growing little family and the mommy was trying to raise this little family without losing her mind.  They lived in a very small apartment that didn't have a washer or dryer and had to do their laundry at a coin operated facility that was located nearby.  It was always a struggle to keep the correct amount of coins on hand to compensate for accidents from bodily functions that needed to be taken care of immediately.  The fairy godmother heard of their plight and was inspired to go through the buckets of coins that her husband had collected from his fountains and stored in their garage.  She was able to collect a great many coins that could be used in the washing facility.  She filled a mason jar with these coins and anxiously awaited the time when the little family would visit and she could give them these coins.  She was so excited to be able to give them this little gift that didn't cost her anything but her time and she knew that they would eventually be very thankful that they had these coins on hand for their frequent laundry emergencies.  The little family was very surprised by this unusual gift and have since thanked the fairy godmother repeatedly for thinking of this odd gift.  The fairy godmother was overjoyed by their gratefulness and thought many times how happy she was to be able to do this for the little family that she loves so much.  She will continue collecting coins until the day when the little family won't need them anymore.  And they lived happily ever after:)

Hope

Last week an acquaintance of mine took his own life.  I was very sad to hear this and I've thought about it several times since I heard the news.  I have tried to imagine being sad enough to think there is no hope and to be able to take my own life.  I just can't imagine it.  It's that hard.  I have felt deep sadness before and I have had thoughts in the last year or so that make me wonder how hard it's going to be trying to get used to my new life after my daughter leaves but when I try to picture myself actually ending it all because I don't see my way through the sadness...I just can't.  I am so thankful that I have hope and a very real belief in a life after this one.  I know this isn't the end of us, this life here on earth.  There is no way that these few short years we have on earth are all there is.  I have a deep and abiding hope that all the things I've read in the scriptures and all the things I have learned in the temple are true and that I will live again with my family and friends that have passed on before me and who will come after me.  This knowledge brings me peace in times of turmoil and hope in times of sadness.  If I just hold on until the end and do my very best then I know the Lord has more in store for me and mine after this life.  While writing this I just got the news that my best friend's father passed this morning and that should be sad but all I can think of is that Rita and her beloved father are together again and that they are as happy as they can possibly be.  I can see them hugging and laughing and loving each other.  It's as real in my heart as it would be if I were seeing it with my eyes.  Thank Heaven for hope. 

Spring

Spring and I have always had a bittersweet relationship.  I was born on the first day of Spring and I absolutely love the beautiful weather, especially where I live.  It's warm with cool breezes and all the flowers come out and everything seems new and fresh.  But, ever since my children started school, many years ago, I have associated Spring with the beginning of the end.  Every year at this time they start having "lasts" at school.  Each time my children would leave a grade I would think, "Well, they are done with that forever" or "They will never do that again".  High school was always the hardest because I would feel the sad feelings of every senior who would be missing the only life they had ever known and missing the friends they would probably never see again.  Personally it was the beginning of the mission countdown for me.  This Spring is especially tough because it's the beginning of the end of a lot of things.  I only have one daughter and she is as close to me as a second skin.  She is coming to the close of so many things soon.  She is almost out of Young Women's which is the youth group in our church.  She is going to her last youth conference and girl's camp.  She is winding down our family's high school experience for the last time.  I have absolutely loved high school.  Much better than when I was actually in it.  I won't really miss it when it's over but I really did have a great time going for the last 18 years.  We will go through our last day of seminary, our last senior awards night, our last finals and AP tests, our last graduation and grad night.  Then, our last child will leave our home and start her own life.  You don't know how hard it is to type those words.  My children are my life and I am almost done with my favorite part of raising them.  I absolutely love interacting with them as adults and parents and I am looking forward to being free to go and visit all of them whenever I want but it's going to be a very sad farewell for me when my last little bird leaves our nest. No more waking up to chat with her every morning between seminary and school.  No more waiting until 3:00 comes around to hear about her day.  No more special goodnight rituals.  I know I have months before that actually happens but Spring always signals the start for me.  Luckily, Spring, starting next year you and I are going to have a vastly different and very wonderful relationship:)

Let 'Em Go:( :)

This last weekend my youngest son got married.  Just like the four brothers before him this was a bittersweet event.  I felt two conflicting emotions.  Luckily, the one that was the most powerful was joy.  I was so happy for these two people who had waited so long to be together.  They were sooo happy.  The mother/son dance was epic for me.  In our own ways we let each other go.  That wonderful "Mama's Boy" relationship is different now but I'm O.K. with that.  He said some things that let me know he will always be my boy in some small way.  The day itself was actually crazy.  Since we live in a climate that gets about 5 days of rain a year and you can never predict when they will be, it's a pretty sure bet that you can plan a wedding almost any time of the year and you will be O.K.  Not us.  Of the five days it will rain this year, 3 of them were the two days before and the day of our wedding.  We set up two completely different times to move everything to a different area and then we ended up crammed into a small area as it poured all around us.  Since nothing about these two has been your run of the mill relationship story it was only fitting that their wedding should be an event that they can talk about and laugh about for years to come.  The very best part is that they are together forever and that they will always be "Forever Moore".