Home run!

Yesterday I read an article in a magazine called LDS Living that made my heart happy and sad.  Happy because these are the very things I have worked on my whole adult life and sad that so many people are struggling with these issues.  I was going to make copies and send them to my children but I'm pretty sure that all of my DIL's read this blog so I will just put it out there to all of my LDS friends and anyone else who wants to read it.  It is called "Power Parenting in the LDS Home" by Randall A. Wright.  He talks about doing a survey of 500 Mormons nationwide and asking them the question, "What mistakes do you feel your parents made when you were growing up in their home?"  I was surprised and a little sad that I could have given all 5 of these answers for my home growing up but I was also happy that it proved to me that we don't have to perpetuate what we grew up with.  We have the free agency to do things differently than we were taught and make our own decisions separate from our parents.  These are the 5 answers given to that question.


#1 Failure to establish a home environment that reflects the gospel. 
People said that they were disappointed that their parents lived one life outside of their home and another inside their home.  They were sad that there were no pictures of the temple or the Savior in their homes.


We have always tried to be the same people no matter where we are or who we are with and have strongly taught our children this same principle.  I came a little later to the pictures of the temple and the Savior all over the house but because of the prompting of my good husband we have them everywhere now. 


#2 Failure to be at the crossroads of their children's lives.
They were sad that their parents weren't there when they got home from school or when they came home at night after a date or an evening with friends. 


This is a biggy for me.  I very strongly believe that "quality time comes with quantity time".  We can never anticipate when a special moment will develop between us and our children so we should try to be there as much as possible for them so we won't miss the "quality time".  I have tried to be at every game or performance my children have ever participated in and I delight in being there when they get home from school to hear about their day.  Because of this they don't mind my "interrogations" of their activities.  If we don't know what they are doing how can we guide them through the minefield of life?


#3 Allowing children to associate too closely with friends who do not share their same standards.
They were sad that they got into more trouble than they should have because they got caught up in the wrong crowd.


All of our children have friends that are not of our faith and we love them dearly.  We encouraged them to spend time at our house so we could get to know them and they could get to know our standards and beliefs.  The author encourages parents to keep their pantry stocked and open and this is something that we found out early in our children's lives.  If you feed them, they will come. 


#4 Failure to express love and give appropriate physical affection to family members.
All people crave love and affection and if they don't get it at home they will seek for it elsewhere.


This is a perfect example of being able to break out of the mold you were raised in.  I came from a home where we had very little physical affection and where "I love you's" were few and far between.  We knew our parents loved us but that was not the way they showed it.  I needed more of that kind of thing so I started right away hugging and touching my children and telling them, repeatedly, every day,how much I loved them.  They grew up with it and are now all very affectionate with each other and with us.  Some of the girls they married were not used to that kind of affection but they too are now jumping on the bandwagon and we are, literally, one big happy family. 


#5 Allowing children to steady date during the teen years.
Believe it or not, even though kids think they want to do this while they are young, they quickly realize the negative effects when they get just a little bit older.  They wish their parents would have helped them through that part of their life just a little more instead of encouraging early relationships and thinking they were "cute". 


Physical attraction is very real and not cute at all when it gets out of hand as it will inevitably do if left unchecked.  My husband and I were high school sweethearts and we wouldn't wish that on our worst enemies.  It was very hard living the standards we were taught when we had adult bodies and adolescent control.  We had almost no intervention from our parents so we had to govern ourselves and it wasn't fun at all.  We learned from that and did our utmost to help each of our children navigate the waters of high school attractions.


The author finishes the article by encouraging all families to develop a Family Mission Statement.  Can you see why I loved this article so much?  I could have written it!  These are all things I feel very strongly about and hope that all people can trust me when I say that taking care of these things along with a few others like having Family Home Evening every week, reading scriptures and praying every day and attending the temple and church as much as possible will give you a celestial family here on earth.  I have one!  I know they work!  For any new readers who aren't familiar with our family mission statement, I will put it out there again.  We have encouraged our children to write their own or to go ahead and use ours as it probably reflects what they believe in since they were raised with it.  They all have it memorized and we recite it, together, every single week at Family Home Evening. 


Our family mission statement:
\
To follow the teachings of Jesus Christ\
To love and support each other
To have patience and respect for each other
To use our time and talents to bless the lives of others
To use good manners, be good sports and build each other up
To have each one take responsibility for making our house a clean, comfortable and heavenly place for all who enter it
It is our ultimate goal to live together, forever, in the presence of the Lord


Forever Moore