Farewell

I am striving diligently to bid farewell to life as I've known it for the last 30 years and lately I have been failing miserably.  I blame it on that horrible disease known as menopause but nonetheless it's kicking my trash.  It is probably being magnified by the holiday season and I hope it dies down or goes away soon.  I'm talking about mood swings.  One minute I will be reveling in Christmas cheer and joy and the next minute I am blubbering unconsolably wishing it was 15 years ago when all my kiddos were young and home and excited about Christmas.  This year will be a first for us in that most of my children won't see each other at all on Christmas day.  I'm sure this is just the first of many of those times but it's still an adjustment and not a fun one.  Having 4 other families involved in our lives now because of marriage we have to learn how to share.  I don't want to share!!! I want my babies all to myself.  (O.K. tantrum over).  I go through times where it feels like a mild version of mourning.  I need to learn to let go and move on.  Sometimes I wish I wouldn't have had such a great time raising my family and didn't have sooo many wonderful memories because then it wouldn't be that hard to let go.  I was doing pretty well getting on with my life and starting new things until I decorated for Christmas and wondered "Who is here to even care about this?"  I know Savannah is still at home but she is so calm and quiet and, well, not six boisterous boys, that it feels like I'm done even though I'm really not.  I absolutely love having her here with me and wouldn't trade it for the world but it's very different from having the boys around.  So, I guess I am really mourning the death of the "boy mom" I used to be.  They all have someone else to take care of them now so I am really done being their #1 girl.  My saving grace is that I will always have Savannah.  She will be my best friend forever.  Not even a husband can completely take her away from me.  I also, thankfully, will always have Pat.  He's the only one who shares all of these memories with me.  I know he is adjusting to this new life way better than me but I'm pretty sure that is because he doesn't have raging hormones.  And, he didn't spend a fraction of the time I spent with these kids over the last 30 years.  I'm counting on him to get me through this, him and my Heavenly Father.  I have no idea if anyone reads this rambling mess but if anyone does, it's probably young marrieds, so here's a head's up of what might be in store for you in a few (O.K. more than a few) years.  Hopefully you get through it a little more gracefully than I am.  Good luck and Merry Christmas.