Forever Moore
Saturday, February 1, 2014
Yikes!
Well, so much for thinking I'm writing a harmless little blog about nothing important! I apparently hit on the hottest hot button I could have and certainly didn't mean to. I'm going to go out on a limb here and guess that some of the comments I'm getting are from my son's future family-in-law. I want to go on the record as saying that I am absolutely not ignorant to what they are feeling about this marriage. I can't possibly know how much this hurts them but I can guess. THIS is exactly what I was trying to avoid when I tried, all those years ago, to divert these two lovebirds from one another. I knew something like this could happen if they stayed together so I repeatedly warned them and tried to talk them out of it before it was too late. It didn't work. I'm not sure how this is me or my church's fault. Both of us have been around way longer than my son or his sweetheart. Before their daughter joined my church her family didn't seem to have a problem with either one of us. All religious people believe what they believe and it isn't the same thing. Everyone has the freedom to choose what they will believe. If someone expresses an interest in what you believe you don't ignore their questions and try to dissuade them from knowing what you know. I am very sad for the pain that this union is causing some but I can't be sad for my son and his future wife. I'm not sure how that will benefit anyone. It's been said that we aren't losing anything but I disagree. We are losing the chance to have a relationship with a very nice family and I'm not sure why. I am curious to know what they would do in our place? I would like some advice on that.
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I don't read your blog but quite few people told about it after you wrote. So, I read it. I really hate to comment publicly but feel compelled to do so now. This is the first and only comment by myself or anyone from my family. I don't know who made any of the comments. For the record, I know Dyanna, that you do care greatly for our daughter Aleigh and that you have a close relationship with her. She is a special, beautiful, unique, and lovely person. We love her more than words can express. For the record, although we don't know him well, we like Hunter. He seems like a really nice kid. And it is clear that he and Aleigh love each other. I guess I don't really understand why you need to paint us as Mormon haters. I don't really understand why you need to talk about us at all on a public forum? We are not Mormon haters. We are heartbroken by so much of what has happened. Clearly, there are deep hurts that we are trying our best to work through. Perhaps if the roles were reversed you would be able to understand and empathize better. To everyone that reads this- try not to judge either way. We are all just trying to figure out how to work through things that are hard. Emotions are running high and mistakes will be made. Ultimately, we all just love our kids and want the best for them.
ReplyDeleteI'm just a random person who has been connected to this blog through mutual acquaintances and general curiosity about the interesting twists and turns of life. I guess it's the amount of love in your families that keeps me coming back. I didn't have that love growing up, and I'm fascinated by how strong and happy children who are raised surrounded by so much love can be. If I may - I never took you to be a "mormon hater". You seem like a mother who is in a difficult position because her daughter has chosen a path that is VERY different from what you had anticipated, and from what your family history dictates. You seem like a mother who is trying to catch up on the secrets her daughter has kept, and trying to adjust as quickly as possible with as much grace as possible. You seem like a mother who is trying to keep her family intact and whole. You also seem like a mother who is going to be there for her daughter regardless. I love that. In fact, the description I've given seems like it could apply to you, or to Dyanna. You both are doing the same thing, just from different places. I have parents. They're both alcoholics. I was allowed to make terrible choices as a teenager because they didn't want to have those difficult talks with me. t was assaulted when I was 17, and neither of them did anything. Neither of them addressed it. Neither of them wanted to have that difficult conversation. I continued to make really bad choices until I was about 25. Neither of them did anything. I wish someone had cared enough to ask me the questions you seem to be asking your daughter. I wish, even more, that I had been lucky enough to have TWO mothers so concerned about my future that they would engage in difficult conversations and ask me the tough questions. At the very least, Aleigh has grown up knowing that she can make choices and will be supported, just because you love her, even if you don't agree with her choices or might have made different choices for her. As someone who grew up without the feeling of unconditional support and love, just based on the fact that your daughter feels safe and sure making a choice, knowing that you'll still be there, even if you don't agree with her, take it from me - you've done an AMAZING job as a mother. Both you and Dyanna seem to have children who know that you'll love them no matter what. To me, that's enough common ground. You've both shown selfless love and support. You've never stopped talking to your children, or given them the silent treatment (maybe you have, our online lives are certainly shown through rose coloured glasses) because they've chosen their own path. They're able to ask you hard questions and know that you'll love them anyway, even if they make a mistake. To me, that's all a child needs. If either of you ever want a long distance daughter, I'd be happy to have the love and support you show your children. I'm grateful that mothers like you exist. Mothers like you remind me that, if I'm blessed with children, I can be more than what my parents were to me.
DeleteWow! This was an amazing comment! I'm so sorry that you had to go through the challenges you did. I would love to adopt you! It sounds like you are going to be a terrific mother because of the insight you have on what you want out of a mother. You seem to have done the best thing you could have done in your situation and that is to take the things you have learned and apply them into your own life. I wish you the best of luck in the future and thank you for your kind words:)
DeleteWell said. Thank you.
ReplyDeleteThose of us who know that Jesus is God do not hate Mormons or people of any other faith. We pray that God will open their eyes - that Jesus is the way, the truth and the life.
ReplyDeleteHello! I have a outside perspective on this. It must be a lot more difficult for Aleigh's family because they are the ones that don't get to attend their daughters wedding. Now I'm not trying to say your role isn't hard, because I'm sure it is! They raised Aleigh and loved her from the beginning and now they don't get to see their own daughter get married to the love of her life. As a non-member, I can see how devastating that could be. I definitely feel that any comments about your future daughter in laws parents should be kept off of all social media/forums out of respect. Now, in my opinion, I think that it's best to keep the happy couple in mind. This is THEIR big day and nothing should soil it. I know it must be hard for both families, but it's a day of celebration and happiness, not anger and resentment. Aleigh and Hunter made the decision to get married, and anyone that knows them, knows how in love and happy they are. They deserve a marriage and families full of love and support, as hard as it may be. I hope this didn't come off as rude or insensitive, just stating my opinions :) I wish both families and Aleigh and Hunter the best!
ReplyDeleteI completely agree. Thank you for your comments.
ReplyDelete