Empathy

Empathy is a wonderful quality to possess but it can be really tough on leaky faucets like me.  Ever since I was a little girl I would "feel" everything way more than most.  When I see people experiencing emotions, I imagine myself feeling what they are feeling and it gets magnified like crazy.  If someone is crying  because they are happy or sad or hurt or any other strong emotion, I can't help but cry with them.  I don't even have to know them.  I just imagine what happened to them happening to me and I burst into tears with them.

I had a rough weekend this last weekend.  My husband and I went to a movie that I'm sure you've never heard of.  It was called "My All American" and I could have swam out of the theater because of the amount of tears I shed.  It was a true story and happened when I was 10 years old and I had never heard of any of the people involved but it could have so easily happened to me that I couldn't stop imagining how everyone involved must have felt.  I was feeling for just about every
character in the movie. It is about a college football player who dies of bone cancer in his sophomore year of college and the people he leaves behind.  I cried for his mom, his dad, his coach, his fiancé and especially for him.  I felt everything they felt and I was dying.  I am the mother of a college football player.  I am married to his father.  I have grown very close to coaches who have grown very close to my children.  I have loved and married a college athlete.  It could have happened to me and I felt that so strongly.

I came home and saw on Facebook that some very close friends in my ward had to part from each other as one of the families moved away for a couple of years.  Looking at the pictures of their children, who are best friends, reminded me of when our family's best friends got moved out of our ward by boundary changes and we were heart broken.  Then that lead to thinking about the mother of that family who was my best friend and how she is in Heaven now and the tears just wouldn't stop flowing.  I was feeling for every one of those young moms  and their children who were now parted from each other for what will feel like a very long time.  They are all young enough to be my children and grandchildren but I felt their pain and sadness as if if were my own.  That's hard.

Once I'm in emotional meltdown mode it is very hard to stop.  Every little thing that feels sad in my life gets magnified so that I just can't seem to stop crying.  Sunday mornings are tough for me because that is one of the times that I miss my young family the most.  So, Sunday rolled around and apparently I wasn't quite done crying so I just let it all out and the weird thing was that I was still thinking of all of the people that I had already cried for, the movie characters and the ward friends and they just all jumbled up into one really good cry.   After I was finally done and dehydrated I felt much better.  None of those people benefited from my tears for them so I really wish I could get a grip and not have to have sore eyes for two days over people  who don't even know I'm feeling for them, ha ha! So, just so you know, if I know and love you then I am going to be crying for you during all your ups and downs whether you like it or not:)

Contention is of the Devil

I have an inordinately strong aversion to contention.  Of any kind.  Even if I'm not even involved.  It's a physical problem.  I can't stand it if I know people are mad at each other and I have a physical meltdown if I think someone is unhappy with me.  I can't listen to or watch one minute of political debates because they are almost completely made up of people being mean to each other or even just disagreeing with each other.  My stomach starts to ache and I get shaky and weak and I have to leave the room.  I couldn't stand having my children argue or fight with each other and stopped it as soon as it started.  As adults, if I hear them strongly disagreeing with each other, I have to leave the room.  I really can't believe that the Lord sent such a wimp down to this hard world.  I'm pretty sure that's why I don't actively cultivate friends and why I prefer much smaller groups or no one at all.  I'm simply scared of offending someone or seeing them get offended at each other in front of me.  See?  Wimp. I'm sure I've only made it this far because I hang out with people who have been taught and believe that contention is of the Devil and they are trying to be Christ-like in their treatment of others so there are less frequent episodes of contention taking place and much quicker repentance and amends being made.  Everybody just needs to love and appreciate everybody else.  Please!  World Peace:)

Observation

On my walk today I was thinking about my week and what I have planned and I remembered that we are going to a wedding reception this weekend.  Luckily, I didn't have to worry about what I was going to give the happy couple as I have been giving the same thing to everyone for several years.  Having 6 married children and listening to them talk about their weddings I found that they all wanted just one thing for their weddings, money.  They had gotten all kinds of useful stuff at the bridal showers and they discovered that registering was basically a joke as all the husbands just shot the gun at everything in site.  They all got multiple things that they had to take back because either they got more than one of them or they didn't really want them in the first place, they just had to put something on their registry.  They all said that they wanted more cash for their honeymoons and that they enjoyed picking out stuff together after they had settled into their places.  So, I give money to every newly wed couple and know that they will use it however they want and be grateful for it.

I Love You

There has been quite a bit written about people's individual love languages or how they show and receive love.  There are those who like to do things for people and have things done for them.  Some like to give gifts and be given gifts in return.  Others like to give and receive praise for their actions.  Then there are those who like to say and hear "I love you".  It is my opinion that even though you might be dominant in one or the other categories there is no more direct way to express love than to just say it.  I think that everyone appreciates a heartfelt "I love you" once in awhile.  The very best, in my opinion, are the times when a very young child says it to you.  You know that there is no ulterior motive and that they really feel it in their hearts because they are too young to have any deceit involved.  It melts my heart when my grandchildren tell me that they love me.  It's pretty cool when my kids say it too because we aren't around each other very much anymore so when they say it, it feels really real, especially the "out of nowhere", spontaneous ones.  I told myself a long time ago that if I was ever feeling an abundance of love for someone at a certain time, enough for it to be a conscious thought, then I would come right out and say it to them.  I love my family so much that they hear it, spontaneously, from me a lot and even if it's not their primary love language they are pretty good at convincing me that they love me too when they say it back.  You can never go wrong or give the wrong message when you just come out and say those wonderful words so I highly recommend that they become a large part of your vocabulary.  The End.

More Randomness

I am very thankful for creative people who put into words things that are in my heart. I love words that flow and sayings that speak to my heart.  A recent one that really said exactly what I think all the time in a way that I didn't think of but can very much appreciate is:

"Sometimes memories sneak out of my eyes and roll down my cheeks."

I absolutely LOVE this saying.  It is perfectly true while being sweet and creative.  It is exactly what I go through every single day of my life.  I have so many great memories that they tend to overflow down my cheeks every single day.  That doesn't mean I'm sad every day.  It just means that I remember, every single day, the incredible life I've been privileged to live.  So, at this time of Thanksgiving and gratefulness, I am thankful for talented people who are willing to share their words with the rest of us and express, oh so eloquently, the feelings in our hearts.

Traditional works for me

I love reading about celebrities.  I'll admit that I am very starstruck by people who have done anything to make millions of other people know who they are.  I've had a secret desire (as I'm betting most of the world has) to be famous  for something.  I'm way too shy and private to actually want this to be a reality and I would be miserable being in the public eye but I still find it fascinating to read about people who are.  Lately there has been a pile of marriages that have ended because the husband strayed with the nanny.  Not being rich, famous and in a demanding career I can't really relate to a need for a nanny so I hesitate to judge these people for hiring someone else to raise their children but when I read about them I feel very thankful for the good old traditional way of life that I have chosen for myself.  I wouldn't trade places with them for all the fame and fortune in the world.  I honestly feel that I am the richer of the two.  I have a faithful, loving husband and seven children that we adore along with their wives and children.  I was home with them every step of the way.  I was present for everything that happened to them and every phase they went through.  Some may find that tedious and boring but I relished nearly every minute and I have the terrific memories to prove it. I'm perfectly fine with being the stereotypical fifties wife and mother.  I'm perfectly fine with having one faithful husband for my whole life and for the life to come and for having no drama worth writing about with my children.  We love our "boring" lives.  I'll take joy, security and sweet peaceful love over fame and fortune any day but I have to be thankful for these people and their crazy lives because if they all became like me then who would I read about in my magazines? ;)

The Santa Clause

My husband and I just got done watching "The Santa Clause" for the millionth time and I can't believe how much I love that movie.  It is truly magical for me.  The North Pole and the sleigh and all the wonderful Christmasy things in it just make my heart sing.  The feelings that I get while watching that movie are indescribable.  I feel like an innocent child bursting with joy and excitement in anticipation of Christmas.  All the fuzzy warm feelings that come with the Christmas season just wash over me and make me smile and cry at the same time.  I always feel an overwhelming amount of love for my fellow man during this special time.  I feel light hearted and super happy.  I love everything about Christmas, the traditions, the music, the decorations, the movies and especially Santa Claus and all he represents.  I love my Savior so much and during the celebration of His birth I am filled with charity and love and unselfishness and the symbols of those things are all things Christmas to me.  I will always believe.

Nicknames

Coming back to my random things to be thankful for I was thinking of nicknames.  My family is one of the best for coming up with nicknames for each other and I love how they make me feel.  If you give someone a nickname then it means you know them fairly well and are comfortable enough around them to call them something other than their given name.  I love when each of my kids and even my husband call me by their pet name.  I love being MIL (mother in law) to my DIL's and all sorts of fun names to my 9 grandchildren.  It gives me a feeling of belonging to a loving group of people.  Totally random, I know but that's what popped into my head:)

America

I was raised by very good parents to love, honor, respect and revere my country.  Today is Veteran's Day.  I just finished the latest installment of Rush Limbaugh's children's book series about early America.  Even though it is geared towards children it is a wonderfully simple way to learn about the birth of our great country.  Reading about the writing of the Star Spangled Banner had me in tears.  Tonight my young women's group is going over to a retirement community to talk to real life veterans and hear their stories and give them thank you notes, flags and treats.  I can't wait!  I get weepy every time I hear the Star Spangled Banner.  I have no idea what I did in the pre-existence to deserve being born into this incredible country but I will be thankful every day of my life for such a blessing.  God bless America!

A Tale of Two Families

The vast majority of people have two families, the one they came from and the one they created.  While growing up we can be very close to our siblings and parents and develop multitudes of great memories.  However, once we get married and have our own children it's very easy to focus only on them and neglect those other family ties.  This is exactly what I have done for many, many years.  I have given nearly all of my time and heart to my husband and children and therefore my ties with my parents and siblings have become very weak.  Now that almost all of my children have their own "other families" I find myself yearning to be part of my "other family" again.  Nobody knows you like your birth family.  Nobody saw you grow up and develop like they did.  Nobody has the same childhood memories as they do.  I got to thinking that it would be a real shame if my children gave up on each other and focused only on the families they are creating.  And I would really hate to see them treat me the way that I have been treating my mom for a long time.  Nothing horrendous, just not really staying in touch.

There needs to be a balance and I am going to try to fix mine.

Changes

Those who know me well know that my husband and I "created" our house through a series of remodels.  It started out as a normal sized, simple home that barely fit our family and through many years and hours of back breaking labor became a much larger and much different looking home that fit our much larger family.  In short, I love my home.  I have spent countless hours decorating it and enjoying it.  The majority of our family memories took place in this home.

Recently, however, I have realized that the source of light and happiness is no longer contained in this "place".  It has spread out to Arizona and Utah and La Habra and though I still live in a lovely and very comfortable home it doesn't really feel like home anymore.  For the first time, ever, I have entertained thoughts of living somewhere else, closer to the source.  At times I feel traitorous to the sight of so many memories and at other times I feel a sense of freedom at the thought of starting over somewhere else.

I had a very close family growing up and we lived in a magical place that brought me great happiness.  We took our family back to that house many times to let them feel of the love and closeness of Grandma and Grandpa and told them of my childhood memories.  When my parents decided to sell and move to Utah I thought my heart would break.  I couldn't imagine not going back to that house anymore and I certainly couldn't imagine anyone else living in "our" house.  We have spent many more years going to Grandma's house in Utah than we ever did going to the house in Bennett Valley so now my kids know the Utah house as the extended family house.  I don't miss the Bennett Valley house at all anymore.  I realize that it isn't the house at all.  It's the people in it.

If we ever do sell this house and move then I know my children will mourn greatly because we made the best memories ever here but I know that they will eventually realize, as I have, that it isn't the house at all that brings all the joy and happiness.  It's the people in it.  We are now "Grandma and Grandpa" and wherever we are will be the "family" house.

Faith

Recently my church came out with some adjustments and clarification to our handbook of instructions for church leaders in response to some new legal arrangements in our country.  I admit that when I first heard it I was confused and didn't completely understand why it had to happen.  Luckily, my faith, the thing that I am most thankful for in the world did not waver in the least.  There are so many things that I don't fully understand about the plan of salvation and the deeper meanings of things pertaining to the gospel.  But, luckily, I don't need to.  Nothing that happens from here on out could ever shake my faith that Joseph Smith actually saw God and Jesus Christ in that grove and that through him, the Lord's church was restored here on the earth.  Modern day prophets are called of God and they tell us what He needs us to know, just like the prophets in ancient times relayed His message to the people of that time. I believe that with everything in me.  The sad things that are happening in our world today are brought on by our choices, not by God.  He loves us more than anything in the world and wants only to bless us and see us happy so I have to believe that everything He instructs His prophet to do is in the best interests of his beloved sons and daughters here on earth.  It doesn't matter at all if I don't fully understand the instructions because I fully understand the love of God for his children and that is enough for me.

Football

I am thankful for football.  I am thankful for the season that it comes in because it is my favorite season.  I am thankful that it is something that I share with my whole family.  I love sitting down and watching games with my husband and kids whether we are in the same room or just on our phones commenting about it to each other.  I have seen so many games in my life since my father and brothers loved it and now my whole family loves it that I know more than I thought about the actual game and the players.  When I am in the presence of men who are talking about football I understand them and can contribute to the conversation reasonably intelligently and it feels good.  Football is a symbol of fall, family and fun to me and I love it.  Especially the Cougars and the Raiders;)

The Holy Ghost

The next thing I thought of that I am very thankful for is the influence and guidance of the Holy Ghost.  He has been my closest friend for my whole life.  He never leaves me.  He doesn't speak in a "still, small voice" to me.  He yells at me when I need it and he makes sure I hear him at all important junctures in my life.  He has never steered me wrong.  There have been countless times where he has put words in my mouth or thoughts in my head at the very moment that I need them.  He has testified to me since I was little that what I believe to be true really is true.  The peace and serenity that he brings to my life is immeasurable.

Random things to be thankful for

I taught a lesson a couple of weeks ago to my young women in church about gratitude and asked them to write down some things they were thankful for that were not the first things that came to their head.  Pretty much everyone is thankful for their family and other obvious things.  I wanted them to think outside the box and realize that the things they have to be thankful for are infinite.  So, I thought I would take my own challenge and highlight a few things that I am thankful for throughout this month that aren't the basic, Primary answers.

The first thing that came to mind as I was walking today was that I am thankful for this little town that I get to live in that I had never even heard of before I moved here.  While attending BYU my husband and I used to visit my sister who was married to a Marine at the time and living in Oceanside.  We really loved the area and when it came time to graduate we were lucky enough to get a job in the same area.  My sister found some brand new apartments in my little town which was close to her so we moved here.  We loved it so much that we bought a home here and have been here ever since.

We are from northern California but almost all of my cousins live in the Los Angeles area or down here in San Diego County.  I have been envious of my cousins for my whole life.  They were sooo COOL!  Whenever we would come and visit them I thought they were the luckiest people in the world to live down here.  I wanted to be from Southern California so bad.

I am not a big city girl so Los Angeles would not be the place for me.  Even San Diego is too big and busy for me.  My little town is perfect.  When we moved here it was much smaller and had lots of fields and big, open spaces.  Since it grew up gradually I haven't really minded it getting bigger and bigger.  All of my friends have the same "cow town" mentality that we've had for years so it still feels rural and country-ish even though it's really not anymore.  I randomly think about the fact that 3 of our 7 children were born here and all of them were raised here and it makes me so happy that they can say they are from the area that I always wanted to be from.  So in this month where we are focusing on being thankful, I'm very thankful for San Marcos, CA.

Skylights?

When we did our remodel a few years back we put skylights in our kitchen to give us more light.  I LOVE them.  Just a few months ago I got the bright idea to use them as photo galleries.  We opened up our house quite a bit so their aren't many walls to display pictures.  My family just keeps growing and I have more people to display so I made good use of my extra wall space on the ceiling.  I love how it looks.  So much cozier.

Tayson Everett

Another little miracle that happened this year is that Jensen and Tracy had their first baby.  I keep thinking that I am going to run out of love to give so many people but it never happens.  I always find more when another person enters our family either by marriage or birth.  This little guy is adorable and I love him with all of my heart.  He and his mom and dad are coming to live with us in February for a year or so while his daddy finishes chiropractic school.  I can't wait!

He is super ticklish and giggles whenever I put my nose in his neck or cheek.  Have you ever seen anything so pure or sweet in your life?  So much natural joy.  Welcome to the family, Mr. T.  You are very loved.

Time Change

I don't really get the whole time change thing and why some states do it and others don't but I know that I love having dinner in the dark.  Fall is my favorite time of year and when the time changes and I am eating my dinner in a cozy dark house I am in Heaven.  It was a lot more fun when the kids were home because our table was a lot fuller but I still enjoy having night be night and not daytime until 9:00.  I love having time to curl up by a fire and watch T.V. or read.  I don't really feel like doing that when it's still light outside and by the time it gets dark there is not much time left to enjoy the indoors before I go to bed.  As a completely random thought - my Raiders won again today!  We are 4-3 now and I couldn't be happier!  We're coming back! Time change and a winning record?  Doesn't get any better than that:)

The Brute Squad

Anybody who knows my boys knows that they are the sweetest, kindest boys in the world and would never hurt a fly, except for when that fly's name is mentioned in the same sentence as their sister.  I have gotten the greatest kick out of watching Savannah enter the world of dating and boys and watching her brothers' reactions to this new phase.  We have a running family text going all the time and if I accidentally mention a boy's name in connection with Savannah then the phones light up!  The comments make me laugh out loud. They start making battle plans involving weapons and mayhem.  They mercilessly ridicule this poor soul that they have never laid eyes on.   I pity the boy who actually wants my daughter's hand in marriage.  He better be made of pretty stern stuff.  In their eyes he has to be able to beat them in something sports related or at least keep up with them, be the perfect gentleman and priesthood holder, get all their humor and, above all, worship their sister.  Fortunately, this is what Savannah is looking for also.  Good luck, gentlemen:)