Letting Go

I love my daughter so much. Being at camp with her was surreal. I never thought I would be at a girls' camp with my very own daughter. Lots of the ladies who had been with me 13 years ago when I ran the camp were there this time too and we all marveled that my 5' 8" 13 1/2 year old daughter was there with us. We all felt rather old (I'm justified as I am the oldest of them all) but enjoyed our reunion. I had so much fun watching Vannie interact with her friends and do skits and certify but I was also a little bit sad watching her start her journey to independence. She's always been very nervous in unfamiliar surroundings and likes to have me run as a buffer for her but she took the first steps of letting go of the apron strings yesterday. She knew I was there at the campsite but she didn't need me to be around her every minute. She also had no trouble saying goodbye to me today. This is a two edged sword. One side of me is thrilled that she is getting braver and stronger and not needing me as much. The other side of me is kind of sad that she is getting braver and stronger and not needing me as much. If you've read my other posts you've probably figured out that my family is my life. Some might see that as pathetic but it is what it is. The only responsibility I have that I view as being worthwhile is raising my kids. It's the only thing that matters to me. So, after putting so much effort over so many years into this one activity it's pinching a little to start letting go of my baby. Realistically I know that this has always been my ultimate goal; to raise children that can take care of themselves and make themselves and others happy. But I'm feeling growing pains of a very different kind. Time will heal all and I will be fine but right now I think I'm missing my little girl just a little bit more than she's missing me. Sniff, sniff!